I'm confused. Who is the controlled drinker? Cat or Cat's wife?
The original post is from a recovering alcoholic with questions about his wife. So who is the controlled drinker?
I am a recovering alcoholic and a recovering (ex) spouse of an alcoholic. I understand what it means to be the alcoholic in a marriage and what it means to be married to an alcoholic.
Have you tried calling your wife by her name instead of general nicknames like sweetie or honey? I prefer to be called by my name. It is respectful. Terms of endearment are okay if there is a bond of intimacy and trust.
Have you tried to cut back on your joking with your wife? I prefer to be spoken to in an adult manner. Jokes are for cutting up. It is passive behavior to say everything with sarcasm and it is insulting to have every comment followed by "I was just kidding". I like the simple rule that I learned here at SR:
Say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean.