Hello all, I've been lurking on this forum for a few days and decided to post. Today is my second day without drinking. Sorry to be long winded but here is my story:
I've been drinking really heavily for 2 years. I'm 27 and I have been drinking until I passed out or blacked out about 5 days a week. During this whole time I've been making promises to myself to cut back or stop all together but I've always found excused to go buy more wine.
It's been a culmination of things for me to finally get serious about this. Both of my parents were/are alcoholic- my father has been sober and a part of AA for 18 years. My mother drank herself to death and died 3 years ago at 46
. I see so much of myself heading that way it's scary. Also I'm tired of being the funny drunk one. I'm ashamed at how many times I wake up not remembering what I did the night before and being the butt of all the jokes because I did something stupid. I am also incredibly tired of waking up hung-over. I've been able to keep a small grasp on my life.. but I feel it slipping. I go to school/work/church hungover. I realized I can't live like this anymore.
The worst part about this is the secrecy. In addition to going to school full time I work for a religious organization. If they knew I had a problem I would lose my job, period. This is what is keeping me from going to an AA meeting. I have a high-profile job and if anyone recognized me I would be in trouble. Also, I'm scared of meetings. I know if I went I would just cry through the whole thing.
I know I need support, but I'm ashamed of myself. I am thinking about talking to my dad but even that seems really really scary.
My husband knows, and is supportive. That's a relief.
I read through the detox thread and so far I feel great. I'm really thankful for that.