I have read posts from several posters who have gone through the same things I went through. One common thread between us is we always need that last bit of drama, that last "discovery" anything to help us justify why we are doing this. The best thing that happened to me was finding out the stbxah was cheating on me. This gave me the ammo to go out and file for divorce, because I had a "reason" now. Even though I had been unhappy for the last 4 years, I didn't feel I had a good enough "reason" to leave. Cheating would seal the deal, everyone would know that it had nothing to do with me, that he did the unthinkable, he cheated so noone would be mad if I left, and everyone would suppot my decesion. As long as stbaxh keeps on acting crazy, or I keep making discoveries along the way I can keep this divorce going without question, because he is a "bad person" and I don't deserve this. I am actually happy if he screws up, because this justifies my decesion. But when things are totally normal I feel weird. I don't feel like I don't want to be divorced, but I feel like I need "something" to keep it going. Does that make sense?
It makes sense to me....my "reason" was physical abuse, not cheating, but other than that I completely relate this. But my XAH has not come anywhere close to accepting things peacefully and drama free, and let me tell you, even though I consider myself someone who has problems with craving/creating drama, I wouldn't wish this amount of drama on my own worst enemy. Be careful what you wish for, is what I'm saying. If he's letting the divorce happen peacefully, don't rock that boat. Keep on keeping on, and try out for your local community theater if you don't have enough drama in your life.