Hi and Welcome,
You don't pursue it because you're an addict. I'm an addict too, and the addict mind is manipulative and relentless. It will have you believe that you can have a drink or two, no big deal, and then the next thing you know, you don't remember what happened.
I don't believe that alcoholics can learn to drink occasionally. Like others here, I spent years trying to prove to myself that I could do that, and my life just kept getting worse and worse.
Please stick around and get to know us.