He showed up AGAIN
Man, you would think that the words NO CONTACT would make sense. I described it in detail to him... no phone calls, no emails, no showing up at my house when you feel like it.
He pulled in and non -chalantly got out of the car today, just happened to be the exact same time I come home from work every afternoon to let my dog out. Acted like everything was fine, asking me if he could take Missy (the dog) to the woods for a walk, trying to start a conversation.
I finally looked at him and said, "what are you doing here???"
They just don't get it.
We try to explain to them how we are thinking, why we want to do things a certain way. Give me space. Call me when you get your 6 moth chip from AA. But we are wasting our breath. They don't hear us. I KNOW I have told him numerous times over the past three weeks to leave me alone. He had the audacity to say that I wasn't clear enough with my wishes, and he can't "read between the lines, how was he supposed to know what I meant?" As if he the fact that he is ****ing up yet again is somehow my fault?
I read on here all the time about this stuff, about them trying to focus on our co~dependance instead of their own problems. About how they just don't seem to take no for an answer. About how they just won't leave you alone. He is addicted to me, I am an obsession. This is NOT love. He knows how upset it makes me when he comes to the house and I have to ask him to leave, argue with him. And he still does it repeatedly. He DOESN'T care how I feel, what this does to me. All he is concerned about is controlling me. He wants to change my mind, period. What he wants, and thinks I should want and thinks I need, are more important to him than anything, including my happiness. If this is what you call love, you can count me out. Looks like he needs the co-dependant self help book more than I do. Should have thought about that before he left it at my doorstep.
My point is, for those of you /us who read on these pages and say to ourselves "mine's not like that" or "he would never do that, not my boyfriend"... think again. This is obviously alcoholic behavior in it's most basic form. Any misunderstanding is always someone else's fault. What they want is always more important than what anyone else wants. I am so floored by the things he is doing. A friggin monkey would know that if i say I don't want to talk to you for 6 months, you can be sure of what my reaction will be if a week later you insist that I move in with you. I never realized how detached from reality they are.
He had the nerve to say to me, "why won't you let me love you? do you want ANYONE to love you?" The intended guilt trip here, is priceless. I would never had recognized it without this forum and my al anon rooms. Trying to make me feel guilty, or like there is something wrong with me because I won't essentially do what he wants me to do (let him into my life). The last straw that they grasp at... "if i can make them feel like there is something wrong with them for turning me away, I will win. I need to convince them that I am the best thing they can get". Thank God I know better, and it is because of all of you, sharing your stories. We all deserve better.
He has an addiction to alcohol. He has an obsession with me.
Now what? I've got friends on call, just like Misha. Do i need to get the police involved? We all think, "they would never do anything to hurt me" but I just posted the other day about not waiting until it was too late. I can't believe I'm even talking about this.
WTF do I do now?