i understand the wondering about a possible future relationship, if and when that might be possible. but, from where i'm sitting -- you're ONLY 44! i started to feel my clock ticking away really loudly this past year (I'm 49).
but, about your question, perhaps this will help.
i am seeing someone i consider to be a really good therapist. he sometimes diagrams getting healthier as a squiggly line going upwards. he once told me:
"you come in here, and listen, and every time you're here, you learn something. you take that something with you. the thing about this is, once you have gone up, you never go back down. the change is permanent."
i also know, from my own journey with being married to an alcoholic and learning about the 12 steps, that is is true.
thanks for updating us.