"It's difficult for me to change, because I am so functional right now (professionally). My career is going great, and I've been admitted to a masters program at the London School of Economics next year. But deep down, I know that I'm using academic and professional perfection to counterbalance personal flaws."
Hey you!
I can't tell you if you're an alcoholic or not. As it's self-diagnosed. I can tell you that you drink like one and sound like one of our family to me.
When I read the quote above, I went ahead to your profile to get your age. 25. It sent shivers down my spine. You'll often hear people in recovery say things like "I know exactly where I'd end up if I drank, I have no idea what my future holds if I'm sober". For some reason this paragraph in your post reminded me of this. Without sounding weird or all knowing... It's almost like I could truly envision you at 35.
"I know that I'm using academic and professional perfection to counterbalance personal flaws".
This is very wise of you to say. This line is what had me want to find out your age. You're at a crossroads right now. As if your at the age where perhaps you realize that if you continue, then you'll be resigning yourself to one way of living. Then there's this part of you. The one that found our forum.
Alcoholics are complex creatures. I imagine the hard work you put twords studies and work sort of cover up all kinds of things. When work and studies stopped working, then alcohol - maybe (I don't live in your head at all). By over-working and now drinking - All sorts of new problems are going to arise, at lear-jet speed.
You sound very good right now, regardless. :-) I'm very, very, sure that if you continue on the drinking route. The 35 year old to come will be very, very, dark.
Stick around and surprise yourself!