Back again, and damn ******* lucky.
After attempting to 'moderate' my drinking for another few months, after the last binge I know I can't.
I went out on friday night, and spent till monday absolutely messed up. Drank god knows how much on friday night, then from sat to monday i drank 2 700ml bottles of whiskey, a full bottle of baileys, and bottle of red wine and 14 500 ml beers. I weigh about 10 stone and am also on anti-d's (lexapro). Good lord I don't know how I didn't vomit in my sleep or fall down some stairs and break my neck.
I'm a lucky person to have the parents I do who responded with "we know and it's good that you told us, we'll help you" when I told them I'm an alcoholic. My beautiful girlfriend came over on Monday night even though I know she really didn't want to and spent the next day looking after me.
This after I've let these people down countless times in the past few years while I've been drinking myself silly. I've my final exam tomorrow in my politics course and I'm only beginning to study for it but I'm thanking everything that I can at least spend a whole day and a half studying now that the withdrawal has begun to fade.
I know I won't fail this time - I can't. It's now or never. I know I'm a full blown alcoholic and can never ever ever drink again. No more of this "maybe I can moderate" thinking again. I've been to AA before (maybe a sign I should have taken on board that I was an alcoholic) and I found it great but never went back. So on friday I'm going to back and stick with it this time. I'm going to tell my close friends that I'm an alcoholic and I can never drink again. If some of them don't like it then tough.
This has been a massive rant, but the cliff note is : Hi, I'm Ronan, and I'm an alcoholic. I used to think it was a scary thought to never be able to drink again - the really scary thought is continuing to drink.