Originally Posted by
LS2 
So, I am confused. With myself.
Afiance is sober, it's been 3 months. He has found HP and has been friendly lately. Great, but, He keeps asking me "why don't you talk to me? or listen to me when I talk with you?" "Why do you ignore me or pull away when I try to hug or kiss you?"
I DO realize I am doing these things and can't help it. I just don't want to be around him. But, why am I like this when he is truly being nice? I feel like this is all fake.
I hate the fact that I know there is beer that is in the garage cupboard but, feel that I can't say anything about it.Let it go..I shouldn't let this make me crazy-but it is since I know he is setting himself up for relapse by hiding the booze.
I want him to leave and I want to leave yet it seems like to much-I feel like I'd hurt my kids and everyone views him as such a great guy.
mmmmmhmmm...I just don't know what to think, I am just confused with much anger.
I think what you are feeling and experiencing is quite normal... IMO...you are feeling nothing short of post traumatic disorder.
You say he's been sober 3 months... how long have you been in this situation? I'm betting longer than 3 months...so naturally you have more than 3 months worth of anger you are dealing with.
Just because he has found a HP does not make what he did acceptable. IMO 3 months isn't even close to creating a track record that you can believe.
You aren't talking to him, listening to him and pulling away because you are in a state of shock... just because the incoming bombs have stopped...the destruction and devastation remains. I think your response is quite natural.
You can't let your guard down because you KNOW about the hidden beer and past history dictates what happens.
Yep my exah was a very like-able guy and I still hear "crap" from some customers about how wonderful he is...blah...blah...blah. People who think your fiance is so great... probably have not seen, heard or endured what you have... so you can't place any weight in what they say.
You are confused because you want to leave and yet you stay. It is your choice. It is also your choice to continue to expose your children to potential unseemly experience of how to tolerate crap.
I believe you know what to think... but maybe are afraid of what you really want to do. You know your fiance is not "such a great guy"... you know you and your children deserve better. You deserve peace, tranquility and the possibility of a better life.
This is my opinion... I say it lovingly. Please take care of you and your children...