My heart and my head are both telling me that today's drugs are far too dangerous to allow my daughter to hit bottom without doing everything I can to get her cured from her addiction. I've searched my soul and know where I stand. I could not live with myself if she dies and I hadn't done all I could.
While I respect your opinions and your right to them, and am so grateful for all of your input, I choose to be the safety net that keeps my daughter alive. Whatever it takes - I want to be ready and if that means we're working a 12 step program because that's what she responds to, then I'm in a 12 step program becoming prepared.
I complain about the insurance company's lack of care of my daughter - she is about to lose 90% of that care on April 22nd. I will have to begin anew with a new team of professionals as best I can, in case she responds to a more cognitive form of therapy. I spent most of today making the necessary connections so I'll be prepared.
She's been getting high on Meth for almost 11 of her 27 years. This is not my first 12 step go round or my first time with medical professionals. It's just my first time on this forum.
While I have never been known to be much of a Dr Phil fan and honestly think he's full of it - he brought this information to light through his celebrity and I appreciate him for doing so. I think it's interesting and encouraging for me. For the longest time my AD's response to everything was "Whatever" That's now my response - "Whatever Works".
Both forms of therapy can work together only if the addict is alive to let the help in.
The following was posted on another list by a fellow parent of an addict:
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"The "rock-bottom" idea is a recovery version of an urban legend. I know of no conference approved literature of any 12 Step fellowship that states this, nor have I ever found any scientific research (which I have to keep on top of professionally in my "civilian life") that supports such an idea. I suspect it's a holdover from the early days before AA split from the Oxford Groups when Bill W. went looking for prospects on his local skid row. If you recall the story, the fellow who brought the message to him (Ebby) had not hit "Rock Bottom" and neither had Dr. Bob when Bill reached out to him. And neither Bill W. nor Dr. Bob sought help, they accepted it when brought to them by non-judgemental fellows.
"This "Rock-Bottom" idea persists and causes ...[much]pain... It directly contradicts the NarAnon message of hope. I've had to learn that my addict has a Higher Power who loves him more than I do, and Whose ways are rightly beyond my understanding. My job is hands-off his disease and work on my own. I truly believe that this will be the only path to healing for either of us."
I posted the above responding to another message, but it seems to fit here as well.
Some other thoughts:
Sometimes we folks in recovery get the idea that we have THE ANSWER to addiction, and that the only way into recovery is the one we spell out. But we are not the only ones concerned with this. There exists a multitude of researchers who, in the spirit of Dr. Silkworth, seek to understand and treat this disease from the scientific point of view. They have learned much, and they have much to teach us. This body of research-validated knowledge is what Dr.Phil is referring to when he recommends a structured intervention "done right", in other words by people who have been trained and demonstrated competence in this.
But we are not the professionals. We are the hurt & damaged folks desperate for change in our addicted loved ones. As such, we cannot effect change in our addicts, let alone lead such an intervention. Alas, many of us do not have access to professional help.
Dr. Phil also makes a very valid point when he says "rock bottom " may mean "six feet under." He isn't necessarily saying we should "force" our ALOs into treatment, but encouraging us to seek out professionals ($$such as himself$$) who are trained in motivating addicts into change. An ESSENTIAL part of that is teaching loved ones to set and keep firm boundaries. What Dr. Phil is NOT saying is that we should nag, badger, coerce, obsess over, feel guilty about or otherwise inflict suffering on ourselves over someone's addiction.
Treatment can lead one to recovery. Actually, treatment for addiction leads to recovery much more often than treatment for diabetes leads to recovery (stabilization) for the diabetic. We just need to be realistic about how often that at is. Less than 30%. But compare that with less than 10% without treatment. So there is much more hope for our addicted loved ones than there was 30 years ago. But OUR best hope remains in seeking our own recovery.
My opinion is worth what you paid for it.
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I apologize for my strong tone, but I find that writing this, or saying this to someone just bolsters my strength and reafirms my belief. I do not want to be posting over on the grief & loss threads - I could barely read them. But I need to prepare myself, don't I.
CB