I think I may need to read this thread for a while.
Wanting, your post really struck me, atleast enough to bring tears. Not necessarily a bad thing.
That's really exactly how I have felt, in a nutshell, looking for closure from someone who will never be able to give it to me. Desperately wanting him to tell me how much our friendship meant, and that he appreciated how much I cared about him.
I do, most definitely have my own abandonment issues, and him being so cruel, yes, just once again reinforces the feeling I have that everyone leaves me, and there must be something wrong with me...etc etc.
You are SOOO right that they know exactly what to say. He knows a lot of the pain in my past, so that he really diminished the personal relationship we had, he knew would hurt me. And really for him to twist things around and try to make me feel like the downfall of "us" was my fault, well...that's just typical...no need to explain there. I think we all deal with that.
Yes, he knows he has no legs to stand on when it comes to the truth, so he does everything he can to make me feel guilty, and even question my own actions and thoughts. How smart of him. How smart of them....but we are smarter, right!
Emotions are an interesting thing. We are all so aware of what they do, I think we even know what they will do and say before they say it, yet it can still hurt every time. My goal is to connect with my own strength.
I'm watching Along Came A Spider in the background, ( I love Morgan Freeman) and he plays a detective profiler in it. He knows exactly what these killers do and think before they do and think it, and he's so calm and collected and patient......waiting for the move he knows is coming.
It's silly, but I was just thinking to myself, I want to have my emotions under that much control. To be so patient, and so sure of myself that someone else's words and actions don't phase me.
Just breathing.
Thanks guys!
