I totally relate with feeling the need for closure with a specific person who can never give it. It's a really hard thing. I don't even know that I got through that, because XH eventually came to his senses and apologized and is doing a lot to be a better person now. I think I just knew in my head that I couldn't depend on him for closure, and even though I desperately wanted it from him, I tried to have faith that I could reach it on my own, even if I wasn't there yet. I'd try to redirect my thoughts back to myself when I thought about what he could do or say to help me. I also think that when you have abandonment issues, these fruitless interactions just trigger those feelings even more. You will need to take good care of yourself for a while before you heal from this interaction. I would bring up stuff with XH and he'd blame me or just leave and I'd feel like I regressed back to a 6yo who wondered why she was so unlovable that her parent would leave her. I'd be paralyzed for days afterward. Isn't it sick how we seek wholeness from other broken people?
It was cruel of him to call you psycho. Sometimes they know just the thing to say to trigger our feelings of not being good enough. Sometimes they choose a story that makes what they did OK, and they roll with it. Especially with alcoholics, guilt is a huge thing. If they can do anything to believe they didn't do anything wrong, they often will.
We are here for you.
