thank you meat yes it does help especially as you say 'I really had to take a look inside myself and decide for me that I didn't want to feel like that anymore' this is what I am attempting to do, I am still in my situation and I am so used to feeling this way I dont comprehend that there is another way to feel but I want to find out if there is another way because I dont want this no more and if I can have an hour a day in a meeting not feeling like this then at least I have one hour a day out of 23 hrs where another persons actions arent making me feel a way I dont want to and its one hr a day out of 23 to build on