I do not know

Old 04-07-2010, 05:44 PM
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Location: england uk
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I do not know

I am a 45 yr old nervous wreck my life is in tatters and I have nothing positive in my life, over 4 yrs ago now I went to AA and I stayed sober for over a month getting a month chip then I got overwhelmed by life events and I drank again and I left never to return and now over 4 yrs later I am going to try again.

I would be grateful if there is anyone in the uk on this forum who could give me advice as although I went to meetings daily the last time I tried to stop and I read the big book and somethings clicked I didnt have a sponsor and when troubles came I didnt know what to do and all anyone said to me was just dont drink today and I had meetings but never had a program to follow

any advice greatly acepted thank you
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Old 04-07-2010, 05:49 PM
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Hi twitcher

I'm not from the UK, or in AA, but I wanted to welcome you here.

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Old 04-07-2010, 05:52 PM
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ty dee

ty for the welcome dee
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Old 04-07-2010, 05:54 PM
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Hi Twitcher,

I'm from Canada and we have people here from all over the world. But, we all have something in common, and that's why we're here. We support each other and we help ourselves.

For me, to recover, I had to change everything. I changed myself from the inside out, I removed some people from my life and welcomed new people in. I began to take long walks to avoid sitting at home in the evenings and that helped my physically, mentally and spiritually.

You can do this!
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:01 PM
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ty anna

ty anna for the welcome and good words
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:18 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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I'm from the US and don't go to very many meetings so I can't advise you on that. I do want to welcome you to SR and hope we can be of help to you. From what I know of AA you will be welcomed back. I wish you the best in your sober journey. You are not alone in this, we are all here with you.
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:27 PM
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ty least

ty for the welcome least
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:36 PM
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I'm from Canada too so not from UK but I wanted to say welcome. Good Share in meeting by the way! Hang in there you can do this! I believe in you.
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:45 PM
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Twitcher, not sure what you mean when you ask for someone in the UK for advice - whether that means specific feedback on options for meetings or just the general idea of talking with someone nearby for the similarity in context. There are some people somewhere in the UK who come in here regularly, I think your post will be spotted by them. Aside from UK, I haven't counted how many English-speaking countries we hear from here, but I think I have noticed someone from every continent. That includes AA and other approaches. And the regional differences haven't made much "difference," it seems, when it comes to relating to the inner experience you read on the page. I don't feel equipped to give advice about AA, but I do know that "don't drink just for today" (and then again and again) is what you will always hear. I understand it now much better than in the past. I know that AA learnings make their way into the minds of people that don't go the meetings, because we say a lot of the same things. I don't know if he repeated what he himself had heard, but one of my friends here (who does use AA) said we all only get a daily reprieve from drinking regardless of when we stopped. That added clarity to my understanding too. Hope you will keep coming back here and possibly give a meeting a try again if you think it will be helpful.
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Old 04-08-2010, 08:17 AM
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update 1 - 3pm 9/4/2010

it is 3pm in the uk and I am sober have taken a couple of painkillers for a bruised foot so looks like this will be my first sober day in some weeks as one thing about me I dont drink on meds that interact with alcohol. There is an AA meeting within driving distance at 7.30pm tonight and if my car is still working I might go to it.

Every single day where I live a whole multitude of things will happen to drive me absolutely crazy all caused by another person so for sobriety for me it definetly is one day at a time and its not even that for me sobreity is coping with each provocation at a time and not taking the easy option out which would be to drink to dull the anger frustration pain and sheer injustice of being at the mercy of someone elses actions.

If that sounds like self pity and negative it isnt, one cannot control an another persons actions but one can control ones reaction to their actions and in my case the provocations are constant numerous and intense and are meant to cause a reaction and the less I react the stronger the provocations get until I snap and I get drunk and sometimes people ask me why I dont move out and the answer to that is I am usually too drunk and angry at being provoked to do a thing other than to get drunk and more angry which of course totally suits this person as they know as long as I am drunk I am never going to do anything positive about things.

The solution ? first things first stay sober because being drunk gives them what they want
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Old 04-08-2010, 08:25 AM
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Yes, I think once you decide that drinking is no longer an option, you start to see other ways to deal with life.
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Old 04-08-2010, 08:33 AM
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Hi Twitcher,

I was married to a lady that was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The abuse was unrelenting and it is amazing the power she had to make me believe it was all my fault. I used it as an excuse to drink. Then, after I left her, I continued to use the former abuse, lonliness, and the physical pain I was in, as an excuse to drink. I really had to take a look inside myself and decide for me that I didn't want to feel like that anymore. The alcohol was helping the sadness linger inside me, and I was self medicating to numb the pain in the evenings. It was all very counterproductive. I am not very far in, but I am already starting to feel better...

I am not sure if this hits home for you, but I hope a little part of my struggle helps.

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Old 04-08-2010, 08:41 AM
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thank you meat yes it does help especially as you say 'I really had to take a look inside myself and decide for me that I didn't want to feel like that anymore' this is what I am attempting to do, I am still in my situation and I am so used to feeling this way I dont comprehend that there is another way to feel but I want to find out if there is another way because I dont want this no more and if I can have an hour a day in a meeting not feeling like this then at least I have one hour a day out of 23 hrs where another persons actions arent making me feel a way I dont want to and its one hr a day out of 23 to build on
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:13 AM
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Hey twitcher,

I'm not from the uk but also wanted to welcome you.

And I think that what's universal about alcoholism or drug addiction is that we need to stop the physical drinking/drugging first. After that, it's a matter of learning how to unstress when we're used to being in distress.

Identifying tensions that we used to numb with alcohol and/or drugs and beating them to the punch is a learned behavior.

An alcoholism counselor (LADAC) I saw when I got sober taught me how to re-center my mind and emotions to break the habits of the past that kept me from fully enjoying the present without the alcohol crutch.

Keep reading and posting. There's alot of great people and support here.
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:32 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Welcome to our recovery community.....

I too had false starts on my journey.
Glad you are making a new beginning.

I'm on my way to a noon AA meeting
I've been doing that for a long time works great for me!

All my best....
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:56 AM
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Hi Twitcher,

I've been to loads of different meetings - some good, some not. Did you get about different places in the past?

Also did you just sit at the back or did you get involved? I know from my own experience that it's possible to go to meetings and not really interact much, then when it's finished go home. I've been to meetings in England and Scotland and found that if you are looking for help and you ask it will be there - phone numbers galore and offers to accompany you to other groups - was this not your experience?

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Old 04-08-2010, 10:07 AM
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twitcher ... sounds like it might be worth your while to try AA again. sure there are some things that might be annoying, or dumb, or whatever..........but there are many positive things that can help and do help me. I've made some friends and some good acquaintances and avoid others.

I love the saying, for me, "take what works and leave the rest"

hope to hear more from ya
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:22 AM
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I'm not in the UK, and I don't use AA in my recovery.. but I wanted to welcome you!
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:45 AM
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Don't resist, allow
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Hi Twitcher and welcome to SR.

I'm in the UK as you can see. I see you mention a meeting tonight. I hope you do decide to go and tell people you need help. You will be more than welcome. Also it is a good idea to get phone numbers from other people of the same sex. Having a good support network of people around you can really help in the early days of sobriety.

As to recovery, the solution to that is working the 12 step program of AA. If you are looking around the meeting rooms, I would suggest you look for someone who talks about working the 12 steps and has had a spiritual awakening ......and ask them to show you how they did it.
Keep in touch.
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by twitcher View Post
I went to meetings daily the last time I tried to stop and I read the big book
Those things have never been sufficient for the alcoholic described in the BB. What is required to conquer alcoholism is a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps. Those Steps require action for their successful completion to bring about the desired result.

Twitcher, you identified correctly that 'just don't drink today' is not the answer. If you are a real alcoholic, you lack the power to just don't drink today. It's unfortunate that you were given such misleading and false guidance by well meaning but ignorant people in the rooms of AA. The program of AA works just great, if you can find it. It's in that Big Book with a good sponsor. One that has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps and knows the fallacy of 'just don't drink today'.

Originally Posted by ksplash5 View Post
I love the saying, for me, "take what works and leave the rest"
I, in general, dislike that saying. It's very easy for it to be perverted into 'listen to only what I like, and disregard what disturbs me.'

What disturbs me is someone suggesting that I need to follow directions, give up my self will, take a good long look at my selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking, and fear, set right my past damage, continue to admit where I'm wrong, being of service, sacrifice to others, etc. You get the idea.

I don't want to hear those things. But they were the things required for me to recover.
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