Matty,
I'm sorry you're having a bad time.
I do understand that, as addicts, we often have to lose things/people/parts of ourselves. And, it's difficult to let go. I had some very firm beliefs about myself, beliefs that I had built my life around, that turned out to be untrue. I definitely felt a loss and an emptiness when I let go of those parts of myself.
And, it is true, that letting go is opening yourself up to the new and the wonderful.