Yes Hon, I think I understand where you are and it is almost like being in Limbo, in a lift (elevator) stuck in between floors.
You can't have a meaningful discussion with someone who really does not know what he means, doesn't care much what you mean, and to whom the words "meaningful" and "discussion" are foreign.
Detachment to you, means something different to how he sees you behaving....and it is scary to him. He is used to ....I say this and she will say that....suddenly you do not react as expected.........no running after him, treating him like a little tin god......and it has thrown him.
His answer when threatened is to rant and roar, and show anger.......and you changing on him, is threatening him a lot. He fears losing the you he thought he had programmed to keep him comfortable, to enable him to do what he wanted, and suddenly you are not playing his game, or going by his rules.
I am sorry, but like DeVon said in the above post...
Quote((I don't know of any way to talk/figure out, and heal with an emotionally abusive alcoholic.))
To get to the healing part, I believe he would have to have some recovery work behind him, and be willing to accept there needed healing, and want it.
He seems a long way from accepting anything, that you want or need....and recovery is not even a small blip on his radar yet.
He is the one stuck in the past, and that is where he wants to stay as it doesn't make demands on him and he can keep doing what he has.....but you have moved out of there and are facing a new future.
There is little or nothing you can do to get him involved in change....all you can do is keep working on you, stay detached and work towards your peace of mind and do not play his mind games.
I am sure others who have been thru this will give you help very soon.
Just remember you are not alone at any time, and you don't stop growing just because your AH hasn't started.
God bless