Are you seeing a therapist? I don't mean to sound harsh, but didn't you and he break up a year and a half ago? I'm not saying there's a timeframe for moving on, but it just seems like you run around the same feelings over and over again. I just think a therapist could help you work through it all, help you get to the next level in healing.
From where I'm sitting (and I know it's hard to convey things properly on the interwebz), I see two themes in your posts. The first is that you romanticize everything, including your breakup. You refuse to even consider that this guy might have just decided that you were incompatible or that the relationship was too much work or that his feelings for you just faded. I'm only pointing that out because I wonder what about that would be so hard for you to consider. Just sit there and say to yourself, "He just didn't love me anymore." What is so horrible about that? What does that say about you?
When I considered the possibility that my XH might have just simply not loved me anymore, it was devastating at first. I tried for a while to blame it on alcohol, on being new to sobriety, on whatever. When I faced the fact that he might just not love me anymore, I was left with my deeper feeling - that I was actually unlovable. But I was finally able to break through those deeper problems in my life (stemming from my father abandoning me after my mother died). Faced with the possibility of being unlovable, I had only myself to look to for healing and being OK. I had to figure out whether *I* thought I was unlovable. What anyone else thought didn't matter. I'm not saying *that* is your issue, but the fact that you refuse to consider this possibility may indicate that you have some deeper issue with yourself that you could explore with a therapist.
The second theme is sort of one where you are the mother who knows best and your X is a child who isn't capable of making good decisions for himself. I recognize it because I've done it with my XH, and because I've seen loads of other codependents do it as well. What I found for myself was that it was just another mechanism to avoid dealing with *my own* problems. As long as I could focus on his problems, I could ignore my own. It was hard, hard, hard, to focus on my own problems and my own life. I remember having this sudden panic when I considered the possibility of taking XH out of my thoughts. I realized how little I really had to make me happy (and on some level, the crazy unhealthy dynamic between XH and me made me feel fulfilled) and how much I had to work through before I could live the life I really wanted to live. I could spout off a list of things and people and activities I had in my life that I was thankful for, but I was really empty inside.
I hope that is helpful in some way.