Its laughable
Went two weeks sober felt great , had hobbies and interests again. Felt smart and in control . Went to watch some fights at a bar with a friend and why not lets have a beer. Been drunk every day since then. Not only drunk but depressed since that is the normal reaction to a downer. Quitting to me seems almost impossible at this point . I am an open minded person who loves to have fun . I love pushing the limits , i love emotion. I love the stability of sobriety and the healthy benefits and just the knowing its best for me . But the passion in me fades when I dont challenge myself . I cant stand living a life without pushing my limits. I love using my brain and making everyday powerful. Alcohol forces that . It can make an average day have meaning. I love meaning and passion . Will I ever choose the boredom of sober life when I know the excitement can be had/ Especially alone. I can committ to someone else and divert my passionate needs to them . I love making others happy, I feel smart and understanding . They say get yourself under control before trying to help others. Helping myself is so much harder than the others. I am not ready I know , but i feel so alone, Nobody said life would be easy I guess