I'm in that same mindframe, in a lot of ways. I want him to be happy. More than anything, though, despite how selfish this post might sound, I want him to get better. I pray for him daily, even though he doesn't believe in God. I don't think that matters. I just worry a lot. He doesn't have anyone in his life that's real close. He pushes everyone away. I just get pissed that he doesn't take responsibility for things. He'll sit here and be like "I know I'm fcked up. I know I need help," then turn around and do the things he does, and say horrible mean things to me, and it's just.. this monster.
I know though, realistically, I can't control him. I couldn't control anything when I was with him, let alone now, eighteen months later.