After months of lurking, I decided to join and make the most of what this wonderful community has to offer.
The long story short (at least for now):
20+ years drinking; practically daily for at least the past 10. I will be 40 this year. It's in the genes---Dad is recovering but has 30 years sober. I've known this was a serious problem for years, and did an AA meeting last year but got scared and never went again. Back to the booze routine.
Held onto a sliver of hope that maybe it wasn't "that bad", that there were plenty of others who had it worse. That idea went out the window last Sunday night. I crashed my car and was arrested for DUI. So here I am, scared to death, ashamed, but also strangely hopeful that this really could be the turning point I need to keep me alive. I am also overcome with relief that nobody was hurt by the insanity of my driving drunk.
Because of the nature of my drinking (long-term, heavy, daily boozing), and high blood pressure, I was scared to quit drinking all of a sudden. I have heard that to detox cold-turkey can be very dangerous. (Unemployed, no insurance, so no access to medical treatment or supervision during a detox.)
So, as shameful as it must sound, I am still drinking. But to say that it is a different kind of drinking is a huge understatement. Instead of 10+ doubles/day, I am now drinking just enough to keep the sickness away. (2-3/day and single pours.) As it is, this week has been miserable. Aches, profuse sweating, hardly sleeping, diarrhea and vomiting.
I'm not really sure where I am headed with all this. Ultimately I would like to be a "non-drinker". But I don't know exactly how that will come to be. For now, I have a wonderfully supportive partner who loves me. And I will just continue to read SR and learn from all of you. Thank you for letting me share.
Sorry, I guess that wasn't such a short story after all!
