FRESHSTART2010

I can't believe I can't just stop doing something that I know is hurting my life in general. I KNOW why I have gained 40 + lbs in the past 5 years. I KNOW why I feel like crap most mornings. I KNOW why I am always anxious. I KNOW why I do stupid things that I don't remember half the time. I KNOW why I have ruined relationships. I KNOW why my job performance is getting worse. I could go on for days. It's silly to me that I KNOW how all of these things could change yet I go back to the same patterns. I KNOW what I am capable of when I am not drunk or hungover. I just wish there was a miracle to change it all right now. I don't WANT to drink!!! I KNOW how I tell myself every morning that I will never do that again yet come 5:00 on the way home on most days I stop to pick up wine. I find myself scheduling plans around the days that I know I want to drink or will be hungover especially on the weekends. I'm tired of hiding! I KNOW how great I feel when I go a few days without drinking. I tell myself how great it is and try to remind myself all throughout the day so I won't drink that night. Doesn't always work for me though! I envy those around me that can go out once or twice a month and have a few glasses of wine and be fine with that. For me, when I do go out with other people I will have a glass of wine then go home and open another bottle or two. Then the other nights it's just me and the wine! What a life!!! Argh! I have found such inspiration a hope in all of the postings I have read over the past few weeks. Thank you all! I KNOW I can do this!! Day 2 almost down!!!