Hi Neo,
I was going to send this privately, but maybe somebody else reading can get some use from it as well.
I've been watching your posts over the past 9 months. There has been a lot of growth in my opinion. Having only limited knowledge of you through your posts, I try to be encouraging where I can, and also try to point out a few things that have helped me along the way.
It's not my place to judge or evaluate your progress. I will share my observations in the hope that they may be useful.
Some of your posts are full of wonder and excitement and seem to speak of spiritual growth. And some of your posts seem to indicate that you are staying away from the 1st drink without a lot of emphasis on any spiritual growth.
Even after some time sober, I don't do a very good job at evaluating my own feelings. I'm just not very reliable at being able to depend solely on what I feel. It's good information, but not always 100% accurate for how I'm really doing. Likewise, the feedback from others with whom I have spiritual consent is great information, but not always enough for me.
What I do is consider my feelings, consider the feedback of trusted friends, and then I look at my actions.
Am I seeking the will of a higher power? Every day? Am I growing that concious contact? Am I continuing to take inventory? Am I current on all amends that need made? Am I of service to others? How much time did I spend today thinking about ME as opposed to thinking of where I could be useful?
If I ask myself these questions, I can usually tell if I'm off track or just in a bit of a funk for a few days. The funk can come and go. If I'm doing the actions, things always work out. If I'm not, then I'd better get busy.
I know that even after a very powerful experience with taking the Steps for the 1st time, there was more work I had to do. I repeated that process within my 1st year of sobriety, seeing new truth in my inventory, becoming willing to make amends I had missed the 1st time around.
Approaching the Steps from a place of sobriety and serenity was a different experience than approaching them out of desperation. But it was no less valuable.