so....the truth today? (I was told to vent, rant, cry..whatever)
I drank my last 4 beers...before 9am..all because my husband wanted to go look for apartments today at 6pm....so I get a little tipsy before noon...so I can be at least ABLE to go tonight...this evening...whatever
THIS is my life....I shake...I tremble....sweat...and then other days (for up to 4 days at a time since rehab in Jan. 2009), I am fine.....
I don't even KNOW why anymore...this is just the way I stop the belief, (and let me tell you...justified)..that nobody gives a (bleep) about me....I asked my MD father for help...and his "addiction specialist friend...you remember him, huh?"..told him to tell me to get an Anabuse implant, (when I asked about baclofen and naltrexone)...so when I found out that the Anabuse implant was NOT available in the US...my loving MD father said..."well L is the ONLY person int he US to give it...and he is trying to get a patent...." (and here I was trying to get REAL advice)...I told my father I needed help TODAY, not some STUDY on Anabuse....now my father doesn't write back..doesn't admit that he failed me...(he ALSO had a phone number for a "specialist" in addiction..my father never gave me number, giving me a promise to "call them first"...and then never calling...I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES...I am just sharing my life today...