didn't get fired. OF COURSE.
i knew i wouldn't. i knew if i did something terrible, i'd get a text on my phone from one of my coworkers saying "man you're in trouble" or "what the **** is wrong with you." empathy, anger, someone would have said something.
the fact that i "knew" this didn't make the panic any less real.
i didn't drink last night, went to sleep with an ambien. worked out hard today at the gym and feel pretty good right now. it's monday so i won't feel the urge to drink again until friday. saturday will be the worst.
it may sound stupid but i didn't correlate my panic attacks with alcohol until very recently. part of it is because my worst panic attacks were when i stopped drinking for 90days (around 60 or 70 days when i should have been fully detoxed) and in high school when i didn't drink or do drugs at all. i always figured it was a vitamin deficiency that caused my panic attack. not sure where i got that idea. now i have to accept that i have 2 triggers, or the alcohol cause s the vitamin deficiency.
it's definitely time to stop drinking again. i'll have strong urges to drink but previously i've always been able to resist. my goal is to stay clean until the friday before memorial day. if i can't resist the urges then i know i will have a serious problem, more serious than i can handle myself. i've also had goals to eliminate caffeine from my diet so i think now would be a good time to taper that off and attack that goal too.
wish me luck guys. i'll talk to you in a couple of months :-P