Panda, there will be people here that will talk with you about the person underneath. I think of drinking as "drinking on top of" the person and covering up something that is not working right. People that are like us don't have the luxury of stopping when we should. We didn't cover up the entire person though, I was still there and you are too. If you've decided to stop tonight (if I read you right), then don't go back to it, read and post some more; get rest; and come back.