Does anybody know me?
Hi everyone,
This seems like a supportive group. I've recently begun to question my drinking habits, and would like to know if my story is familiar at all to anyone. Anyone who can give me some insight on where I may be headed. I am very interested to hear from someone who might be reminded of themselves while reading this.
I first got drunk on three beers when I was 16, alone in my room, and I really, really liked it. Since then I would try to get people to buy me six packs every once in a while, usually about once every two months, and I would usually drink them in my room late at night while my parents were asleep, always having a good time.
Over the years I developed a way of being able to buy it whenever I wanted, even though I was quite underage. When I went away to college I started a tradition of drinking every Friday night, almost always alone. It was fun, and I never thought much about it.
When I was 20, over the summer, I was living alone and only taking two classes and found myself very bored most nights. I started to ask myself why I only drank on Fridays, and from that point, I started to drink on other nights of the week as well.
Fast forward, I am now 22 and drinking almost every night, even though I am a full time student. I never have the desire to drink during the day, and I am still quite functional in that I maintain a high GPA in what many would consider to be a very difficult major. However, many mornings I will wake up cursing myself for having drank the night before, scared about what I am becoming, and vowing to not drink that day (actually I feel like I should stop drinking altogether, but I am more realistic than that). Sometimes I complete it, sometimes not. It is always at night that is the hardest. The entire day, while I may think about drinking several times, I never really want to do it. But after about 10 PM rolls around, and I've completed my homework and am sitting there watching TV or playing a computer game, knowing that I have another 2 or 3 hours before I need to sleep, the excitement of the idea of drinking and the "why nots?" start to come alive, and I usually find myself driving to the gas station to get a six pack.
It has been at least a year probably since I have gone more than three days in a row without drinking. While that thought alone concerns me, what really prompted me to write this today is that last night, for the first time EVER, I felt very angry while drunk. Granted I was very tired to begin with and under some stress at the moment, but it was a scary feeling. Beer (which is all I ever drink) had always calmed me down and made me happy, but last night I felt like a completely different person.
I have also been noticing slight tremors in my fingers, but I have no idea if I am anywhere near that point or not. It could just be my imagination or caused by my high caffeine intake.
Anyway...I would very much like to hear from someone who may see himself/herself in this story.