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Does anybody know me?

Old 03-27-2010, 03:19 PM
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Does anybody know me?

Hi everyone,

This seems like a supportive group. I've recently begun to question my drinking habits, and would like to know if my story is familiar at all to anyone. Anyone who can give me some insight on where I may be headed. I am very interested to hear from someone who might be reminded of themselves while reading this.

I first got drunk on three beers when I was 16, alone in my room, and I really, really liked it. Since then I would try to get people to buy me six packs every once in a while, usually about once every two months, and I would usually drink them in my room late at night while my parents were asleep, always having a good time.

Over the years I developed a way of being able to buy it whenever I wanted, even though I was quite underage. When I went away to college I started a tradition of drinking every Friday night, almost always alone. It was fun, and I never thought much about it.

When I was 20, over the summer, I was living alone and only taking two classes and found myself very bored most nights. I started to ask myself why I only drank on Fridays, and from that point, I started to drink on other nights of the week as well.

Fast forward, I am now 22 and drinking almost every night, even though I am a full time student. I never have the desire to drink during the day, and I am still quite functional in that I maintain a high GPA in what many would consider to be a very difficult major. However, many mornings I will wake up cursing myself for having drank the night before, scared about what I am becoming, and vowing to not drink that day (actually I feel like I should stop drinking altogether, but I am more realistic than that). Sometimes I complete it, sometimes not. It is always at night that is the hardest. The entire day, while I may think about drinking several times, I never really want to do it. But after about 10 PM rolls around, and I've completed my homework and am sitting there watching TV or playing a computer game, knowing that I have another 2 or 3 hours before I need to sleep, the excitement of the idea of drinking and the "why nots?" start to come alive, and I usually find myself driving to the gas station to get a six pack.

It has been at least a year probably since I have gone more than three days in a row without drinking. While that thought alone concerns me, what really prompted me to write this today is that last night, for the first time EVER, I felt very angry while drunk. Granted I was very tired to begin with and under some stress at the moment, but it was a scary feeling. Beer (which is all I ever drink) had always calmed me down and made me happy, but last night I felt like a completely different person.

I have also been noticing slight tremors in my fingers, but I have no idea if I am anywhere near that point or not. It could just be my imagination or caused by my high caffeine intake.




Anyway...I would very much like to hear from someone who may see himself/herself in this story.
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Old 03-27-2010, 03:46 PM
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First time got drunk on St. Patricks day in 7'th grade.

My buddy's older sister used to buy us beer on the weekends, so some weekends we'd drink. All of high school was mostly just weekends. I played football, wrestled and track and field. My grades were well above average (not bragging, just saying that anybody can fall).

Went to college and drank most nights if I had money, or I'd steal Crazy Horses from 7-11. I never stole anything else... but I did steal beer.

Wound up getting 3 years in, but had no money. So I got a job and every night, would have 6 or 8 Molsons. So I'm now what.. your age'ish drinking most every night. I wish that I had your insight into "drinking every night might be bad", because I was fully functional during the day. Sure, a few rough mornings, but to me, I was like what's the big deal.

Anyway, I'm 38 and on day 3. My business that I built from scratch is in the gutter. Look at my join date... 2005. That's well after I knew I drank alot, but didn't care. 5 years and several tries later, I'm on day 3. I'm not saying this is where you are headed, because at least you becoming aware of the dangers of alcohol at 22. Educate yourself about it.

I only share all that because it is similar to your story right up until your age. And there are tons of people with stories similar to yours.
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Old 03-27-2010, 04:07 PM
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I have also been noticing slight tremors in my fingers
Sounds like the shakes I used to get, but as I kept drinking, the shakes got worse. I'd quit now while you're still so young and have your whole life ahead of you - a cliche, but still true. Get smart now. You'll have so many possibilities instead of impossibilities. Drinking usually just gets worse. Stop while you can. I waited until I couldn't stop on my own and needed help. Stays in rehab three times, lots of AA meetings (not as many now), and counseling all helped me.

I've fallen down a lot but always get back up. Now I'm confident I can do this, one day at a time, for the rest of my life. What a good feeling.


Welcome to SR!
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Old 03-27-2010, 04:13 PM
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Hello Catchment - welcome to SoberRecovery!!!
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Old 03-27-2010, 04:38 PM
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Hello Catchment, my drinking history didn't begin and evolve exactly like yours, but ended the same way - anger. Drinking stopped working its magic and I continued drinking anyway and that ticked me off. Anger turned to shame, then guilt, then remorse - it seems there was a pattern.

Just wanted to welcome you. It's great you're reaching out so young like others have said.
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Old 03-27-2010, 08:41 PM
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Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum.

I think you are really wise to look at your drinking.
Here is a link you might find interesting.....

Alcohol and Brain

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control.....
a person who drinks moderately has no more than
2 drinks daily for men....1 for women.

It makes no difference as to the type of alcohol
they all do equal damage to the brain and organs.
It's a toxic liquid.
This is true for all drinkers....not only alcoholics.

From my observation and experience....there is simply
nothing positive to be found in alcohol.

All my best as you decide what your future holds...
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Old 03-27-2010, 11:04 PM
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Your experiences drinking when you had decided earlier that you didnt want to sound really familiar. Also the "why nots". In AA we call that the mental obsession to drink, and its one of the traits of alcoholism. Do you find yourself craving more alcohol once you start? Or drinking far more than you intended?
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Old 03-27-2010, 11:37 PM
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My Mother bought me 3 cans of beer from the local off licence when i was 16, i come from the UK so it is easy to buy beer yourself at that age but the guy at the liquor store knew my age...i had never felt better, i drank the 3 beers listening to music and felt like the king of the world...i even asked her to get me some more but she refused.

I left college at 18 and by then would drink alone watching films (before dvd's, old video tapes) which i would rent. I used to drink about 6 beers, that was enough to make me feel good and to keep the buzz going until i went to sleep. I used to go out every so often to clubs and pubs but wasn't that keen, i preferred drinking at home.

By about 22 i had progressed to 4 beers and a bottle of wine, hardly ever finsihed the wine and if i did it was too much (i am a big guy)...it was about 22 when it all went to ****! The alcohol has always calmed me down and made me feel relaxed and now it was making me very angry, i could not get the buzz i was looking for back again...things took a real turn for the worse and i started to be angry during the day too and get no release.

I started to regret drinking the night before and not understanding why i could not just leave it alone, but what was the point really? It had always made me feel great and that feeling would come back it was just a bad patch of some sort, maybe i should go to the gym, move areas, get a new GF...never thought it was the alcohol really...

From there i went through to 38 before getting sober and it got much worse.

IMO the alcohol did the trick for a while and i was self medicating, but it didn't last and that's when my friends left university and started to settle down and i went completely off the rails. I've always had every opporunity in the world and whatever i wanted, you're course, qualification etc will mean nothing if you are like me...

Maybe that's similar to you, maybe not!?

Good luck:-)
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Old 03-28-2010, 12:59 AM
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Hi Catchement and welcome to SR.

Your story is typical of the progression in an alcoholic. We drink at first because it makes us feel great. We continue to drink to continue to feel great. The mental obsession, the "why nots", drives us to drink despite the fact we know what the consequences will be.

Eventually alcohol stops making us feel good but by this time we are addicted and we have to drink. The more we drink, the worse we feel. The one thing all of us alcoholics have in common regardless of how long since the last drink, is that once we take the first drink we are thinking about the second, third and so on.

Alcohol is a drug which directly affects the Central Nervous System. Each time you drink you are damaging your brain and CNS. Tremors are a sign of the damage of the nerves which regular, excessive consumption causes and also can happen during alcohol withdrawal.


The brain and CNS can heal over time if you abstain from alcohol, but not all the time. Some people are left with permanent brain damage from drinking alcohol. Some people are not that lucky, they actually die.

The fact that you are a daily drinker suggests you may already be physically dependant on alcohol. People who drink beers can need a medicated detox to withdraw from alcohol as well as people who drink liquor. Withdrawal in itself without medical supervision can be dangerous and result in permanent disability or even death.

Please think about being honest with your doctor about your consumption and your tremors. Most people are unable to quit alcohol on their own. AA is a great place to get support from people who understand how you feel and also in AA we have a program which works - it removes the insane mental obsession to drink alcohol.
Take care.
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Old 03-28-2010, 01:55 AM
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Catchment sounds like the textbook pattern for drinking, and I read that same book

I was the same way, only a few yrs older when I started, I never drank till I was 18 yrs old. But soon as I started I was hiding it from the family and drinking 3-6 beers every friday night. Then I started wondering..."man this feels good, why only friday night?" So I started drinking Saturday nights, then Thursday nights. Few yrs down the road it turned into a fifth every night, especially at night.

Before I knew it I realized I was no going more than 2 days between drinking like that, and sadly that continued on over about a 12 yr period.

Your still young though, at 22 now is the time were you can change things and most likely have no damage to yourself/body from the drinking. Your on the right path. You see it's a problem and you want to change it. Stick with it, it'll be the best choice you ever made in your life when you look back on this.

Steve

BTW- Welcome to SR
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Old 03-28-2010, 04:57 AM
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Welcome to SR Catchment,

...The entire day, while I may think about drinking several times, I never really want to do it....
....I usually find myself driving to the gas station to get a six pack...
....Beer (which is all I ever drink) had always calmed me down and made me happy, but last night I felt like a completely different person.....
Yes, these parts of your story sound familiar. I was in my end twenties when I quit- and I wish I would have asked myself these questions honestly when I was 22.

What I experienced from a similar point than the one you are desribing is: it is very likely that your drinking will escalate. It is very likely that you won't stay functional. The "staying functional" aspect and the fact that I could sometimes go without for some time was what kept me in denial for a long time.

In the end, alcohol wasn't working anymore for me. Its mood altering effects were coming at me with a revenge. It didn't make me feel relaxed, happy and numbed anymore- it opened the floodgates for depression and anxiety. At times, it would make me feel angry too. And at the end, drinking started to affect my short term memory and other cognitive abilities. It was that emotional despair and how drinking made me feel that made me realize I couldn't live like this anymore.
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Old 04-01-2010, 09:20 PM
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Hi again. Sorry for the delay in replying. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded. I had never really talked about this to anyone, and walking around town, I always got the feeling that no one else lived like this, that anyone who knew would be so appalled. It feels comforting to know that others have been down this road and made a full recovery.
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