you sound like me......
first post, 2days sober no sleep and wishing I was dead yesterday. I've had antabuse from the doctor and other drugs for months but my beast didn't want me to take them. my hands were shaking so bad yesterday i couldn't type and it took me about 20 mins to register today.
my dad left before I even new him, which probably was best but my stepfather we called by his first name.(he was also an *******..) i have step grandchildren and i want them to call me by name because they aren't my bilogical kids they have a grandfather weather he's good or bad so don't feel bad about that.
i'm 54 and have had problems all my life. wife kicked me out at 25 and I went to a good lawyer friend and he said his father was in a.a. and i should go. I was scared but new I had to go, the lady at the desk almost fell off her chair when I said i was volutarly going. After 3 meetingss I thought i knew it all and the mrs. took me back.
On and off for years, drinking trouble and a.a. I kept well hidden too. I really didn't going to a.a. so i also looked on the internet for solutions. I found a book rational reccovery and order it. I loved the ideas even though he bad mouthed a.a. and I think a.a. is a good program to goto also.
I stayed sober for 5 years fightin off my beast. Basicly we all have a beast thats telling us to drink. that beast is nasty and never leaves us and after 5 years of beautifull sobriety I lost it big time and partied three months straight with anything i could find. That did not go over to big and i lost my marriage and 3 beautifull sons who won't talk to me 7 years later.
I think 98% of us our closet drunks and if your
not you will be. I went to my doctor about a year ago and told him i thought i was going to die. He checked me out and my liver was a little high, blood pressure thru the roof and my hip needed to be replaced all because of booze. I still didnt do much to cut back. One weekend I drank from fridday to sundday i think and my girlfriend called the doctor and they sent me 7 day rehab. stopped for a while and got back on.
got a counselor and she kicked me out because i would not do what she said.
had my hip surgury 5 days sober and no butts in hospital got out and the first thing i wanted was butt and not to long after that booze.
about 4 months later while she was gone most of the day guess which closet i opened. she got be a pro at finding and dumping it. she came home with the grandkids and needed help with groceries, i ran downstairs and on my up near the top i fell all the way back down and it hurt like hell.lucky i didnt break my neck. of course wait till next day so i can drink the pain away.
My whole left side was killing me from head to toe and used cruthces to get in hospital. 4 fractured ribs sprainded foot and oh the pain. pain killers did not help, i couldn't lay down and if i did i couldnt get up, walking was painfull talk about not sleeping... Its been about 4 weeks since then and it's still painfull
and couldnt sleep. I dont think I ever leaarned how to sleep without my booze.
Me and the beast had a great idea to sleep most of the weekend again and we went to town. I woke up monday with the worst hangover i ever had. I could barely move or breath.. I went to the bathroom and walked ten feet back to the coach and was out of breath...
That did it for me and now that my hands arent shaking so much at least this site is about helping. I wonder do you want a sober competion? John
running out of room feel free to write..