Originally Posted by
redwine 
And I learned this: when I didn't want things, when I was happy enough with the wine, when the wine had dulled the pain a little, nothing happened.
Wanting is painful, sometimes; but without the wanting, nothing happens.
This is a cycle I repeated for years.
It is better to have the pain of wanting, than the drunken no-want-I'm-fine feeling. Because without the want, nothing happens. Nothing happened for me for ages. All because of the pain of the want. I got rid of the want with wine and ... no want, no happen.
It has been hard for me so see this about my use of wine.
Redwine - Wow...this is beautifully, and so accurately put. This really resonated with me.
Midwest - for now, just concentrate on being open to the experience of recovery. I always worry a bit when people say they "hope" they will not drink...as if some force
outside the self will make this determination. It's up to you and only you to
decide whether or not you will drink. And what you're willing to
do to protect your new found sobriety. I'm not trying to be hard on you...just trying to point out that if you continue to think "I hope I won't drink" vs. "I will NOT drink, no matter what," you are already setting yourself up to give yourself permission for a relapse.
How do I know this? I did it to myself in all kinds of ways in the years before I finally stopped for good.
Take the bull by the horns. Make your destiny. I know you can...you've already started. You've already DONE it for several days. The only day you really have is this one day. So no matter when it is, just don't drink for this one day, and soon the days will add up, and your life will open up like a flower.