I am embarassed of my drinking & am too self consious to be going to the local churches & being seen going to AA meetings (silly... I know).
Ask your self this question "How many people do I know that I have seen going to an AA meeting?" Then ask your self this "How many people that I do not know have I seen going to an AA meeting?"
Now here is a third question. If you went to an AA meeting & saw someone you knew would you tell some one "Hey I saw John at an AA meeting last night!"?
Heck no you would not tell any one because then they would ask you "What were you doing there?" Every one at an AA meeting knows just how important other AA peoples anonymity is, we do not go telling folks who we saw at a meeting.
How do you stay off the booze
AA
I have pretty bad nerves & I have bad anxiety problems
Just to prepare you, real early sobriety that is going to get worse if you are like me..... BUT if you stay sober long enough this will lessen in time.
I don't know what to do or where to start this time, I know that it seems simple to just not drink but as all of you know its not.
In AA I learned that my drinking was nothing but a symptom of my alcoholism, in AA as I took the steps, I learned who I was (The good, the bad, & the ugly), I took my inventory & then began to clean up the wreckage of my past & the guilt & shame dissappeared & I started to like who I was becoming & the obsession to drink was lifted.
In a nutshell in AA I have learned how to live my life one day at a time applying principles I have learned daily, the result of this is that I no longer have a need to drink, there is nothing that can be thrown down in front of me that by applying the principles I have learned in AA can even faintly make drinking seem to be a legit thing to do.
am feeling really disappointed in myself & my lack of control, what the heck is wring with me???
Have you considered the possibilty that you, like me have a disease called "Alcoholism"?
I am starting to get really depressed & have had thoughts of ending things
You are not alone in those thoughts my friend, I considered tasting gun oil more then once, those thoughts from what folks share in AA seem to be pretty common while drinking & in early sobriety.
Any advice & wisdom that you have is greatly appreciated. I know I need to get over my fear of AA & my ego of getting seen going/leaving the local churches etc.
I can promise you that the fear will dissappear by the end of your first meeting. Keep in mind that every single person you will see in that room was scared as hell to go to their first meeting, funny how they keep going back.
I can tell you one important thing about a big ego, most alcoholics die due to thier inabilty to deflate their ego far enough to ask for help with their alcoholism.
Do you want hope?
Go to an AA meeting & talk to some folks with 10, 20, 30, even 40 years of sobriety, ask them what it was like when they were drinking & what it is like for them today.
I know a guy who has over 38 years sober, he was a homeless wino for a number of years, AA saved his life, to talk to Tom & see him you would never dream that this man was one of those winos you see sleeping in an alley & pan handling for wine money, he is a successful businessman today.
I was within a year of losing it all after 40 years of drinking, it took a medical detox for me to get sober without possibly dying, from the second I walked out of detox I have been going to AA & working the program. Today I only go to 3 meetings a week, but in early sobriety I went to at least one meeting every day & spent a great deal of time speaking with my sponsor.
I found the SOLUTION to my alcoholism in AA along with a few million other folks, you can as well if you are honest, open minded & willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober.