Feels like I've been ten rounds with Mike Tyson the last few days in my head. lol. It's hard work this sobriety at times.
I think I have spent the last 8 months adjusting and mourning/grieving for my old mate booze and I feel like I have, but today was the culmination of stuff building up over the last few days in relation to drugs and particular my old favs the party drugs. Seeing all that stuff in the news on TV just really stirred up memories and stuff and I got overwhelmed with feeling so sad that it's all over. My mind can be battleground at times, really wears me out at times.
Anyway I think the mourning has came to a natural close now and I am starting to feel it passing. These experiences will all benefit me greatly in my recovery as overcoming the mentally tough 'bailing out' points is what it's all about. I know I will gain in strength from this and be able to use these experiences I am having/had to help other recovering alcoholics/addicts in the future.
I guess alcoholism is a crafty git and will look for any outlook to worm it's way back in. Apart from I can see right through it so I ain't having none of it!
At the end of the day my drug use was like my alcohol use - totally and utterly ridiculous binges to the point where I was unable to move from bed for a good day or two apart from if there was a drink to get me out of bed. I ain't going there man. I am playing the long game now, I ain't robbing from my future just to get a quick buzz. I mean what happens when the buzz wears off and my stash is all gone? what then? Just back to living to get wrecked again and of course lose everything in the process. No way.