I hated the lies.
Him taking off all of the time and then giving me some b-s excuse as to why he was gone for so long.
The stealing.
Him not showering for days (I had to basically force him to towards the end of our relationship)
Him not holding a job and then relying on his mother for money.
Saying after a week or so of "cleaning up" that I should trust him now or that now that he is sober everything is magically better. The manipulative guilt trips that I would get because I didn't trust him after a couple days or a few weeks or because I still felt things were not better.
The suspicion that he went and got high while I was in labor with our son.
Finding needles, money, crack pipes, etc hidden in his coat, the soles of shoes, the car, etc.
Ugh, how creative the addict is with trying to cover up their addiction.
Having to get tested after the breakup.
Did I mention the LIES?
Feeling like the one you care about doesn't give a damn about you.
Most of all, I hated what I was doing to myself by staying with him..
- Thinking it was 'normal' to hide things.
- Sitting around texting him all day when he took off in an attempt to get him to come home or somehow control the situation. Then when it didn't work, I sit around just talking about him and crying when I could've been doing so many other PRODUCTIVE things with my time.
- Seeing signs of his use and living in denial over it or finding a way to excuse him behavior.
- Putting up with the manipulation and just nasty b-s just to keep him in my life.
- How creative I was covering up his addiction to myself and others in an attempt to put up some sort of facade that things were 'ok'.
Ugh, it is crazy looking back and seeing what I put up with just to keep him in my life. I do not regret what I went through because I learned about my codependency issues because of this (and they definitely preceded this relationship) and most importantly, because I have a wonderful son. It sucks that it took this much for me to see that I needed to put the focus on me but I guess "a lesson lived is a lesson learned".
Thanks for posting this thread, it kind of just reminded me where I was and how far I have already come in such a little amount of time since detaching from this relationship
