Hello,
I have not posted on this board in years, but it was always a place I felt safe and received wonderful input and information. So, I am back and I have a question....
When you decide it is time to go your seperate ways (divorce) how do you stick to your guns?
A little background. DH is a recovering crack addict 5 years clean, recovering alcoholic 4 years clean...I have been all over as far as Nar Anon, Al Anon, CoDa, ADA, you name the support group I have attended. I have read book after book, I have practiced yoga, tried 8 diffferent counselors in 5 years, I have pretty much tried everything I could to change but the bottom line is that I am just not able to forgive, trust and participate in a loving relationship. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our daughter about 3 years ago, recently I discovered he was having another affair. Although I was heartbroken, I was not shocked or suprised as I have lived my life with him very cautiously, never really able to let my guard down or be myself.
Now we are parents of 2 little ones, ages 3 and 5. I do not think it's healthy for our children to see the lack of trust, emptiness and obvious disregard we have for each other. I came from the exact same type of family, and I know I need to stop the cycle.
The trouble is, I have filed for divorce 2 times before and have been unable to follow through. My DH manipulative ways, sweet sentiments, promises things will be different always keep me coming back for more in the hopes that we will have the family I have always wanted. Clearly this is not going to happen.
I am the sole provider, I pay all of the bills, mortgage, our car payments, utilities, spending money etc. My DH does not contribute anything to our family, because he is unemployed. I hold the health insurance, own the home, the cars everything so for me this is a clean break and I can go on not skipping a beat...
I am filing this week, he is living in the home... He has obviously realized that I am serious and that his "Easy Street" life is about to come to a screeching hault. So he has started with the promises, the manipulations, the lets go to counseling, the I love you so much, the I will change and blah blah blah.....Gosh, addicts are SO good at that aren't they? No matter how strong I think I am he can always get into my head and mess with it.....
I know it's time to sever ties, I am not a happy person, I am not getting ANYTHING emotonially from this relationship...
So back to my original question....How do you stick to your guns?
Tricks? Tips? Tactics? Any advice appreciated.
God Bless.