Welcome Trapezelady. I hope you will post on our "Friends and Families" forum - which is where people in your situation can find alot of help & suggestions. I know Al-Anon is very helpful for those trying to deal with a loved one's addictions - maybe you would benefit from attending meetings.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. As an alcoholic, I can tell you I had to be the one to reach out for help - I had to be fed up with the living hell my life had become. I drank for over 25 yrs. and I am finally done with it - so there is always hope.