leec

Maybe because of the time change, maybe because my unconscious hours lately have been filled with exhausting dreams/nightmares, I just haven't been getting very good sleep lately.

I've recognized for a long time now that sleep is as critical to my health and well-being as food and water, maybe more so. When I don't get enough sleep, I quickly reach a level where I lose all control of my emotions during waking hours. My mind dwells on unpleasant thoughts more, and I am almost powerless to pull my attention away, which is the only way I know to survive thoughts that are destructive to me.

I have been so tired today, all day. Sunny warmer weather is coming tomorrow, and I am dreading it. I have zero desire to leave the house, see or be seen by anyone.

This is yet another day I am anxious to put behind me. This doesn't seem like the way life is supposed to be. I've had nothing to look forward to in my future since times I can't bear to think about, years ago in a life far away. I'm not really sure if I'm battling the urge to drink, the urge to kill myself, or if those are really one in the same.

But in any case today is my sober day 12. Yay me.