Please tell me how to explain to my family what I am. Please. God please. This secret and this addiction is killing me. I don't even believe in God but I am asking for his help now. I just want to grow old. That is really all I want. Just to grow old with my family. I took my step daughter out for bowling tonight. I tried my best to have a good time but my body felt horrible. I noticed that my hand was shaking a bit. Made me understand that all my lies will eventually come back and slap me in the face. How do I get truly sober? I am so scared. I don't want this to be the end.