One thing that might help is if you can see that there is really a dance between the alcoholic and a codependent partner that keeps both parties engaged in the insanity. You both need time to step away from the dance and focus on yourselves or you'll be stuck in the dance forever. You expending all your energy on him keeps him stuck right where he is, and him expending all his energy on alcohol keeps you right where you are. Separating may result in a permanent end to the relationship, but the way I see it, it's also the only way the relationship has any hope for being transformed into a healthy one for most couples. You have to learn a new dance all on your own and when you've got your dance moves down to where you're just walking down the street doing your new dance moves, then you'll see whether your style matches up with his. You can do a dance-off. LOL. We'll all be your back-up dancers. This is Thrill-AH! Thrill-AH...
Obviously I'm feeling silly today.