This forum has been so much more helpful than Al-anon for me.
Its always good to know people have been through similar things.That never gets old.
Yeah Suki you are right. He's always been waiting for me to leave him. In the beginning: "go ahead leave, like everyone else" so I stayed to prove how strong I was. In the middle he would just disappear, and I would be really hurt thinking he just didn't want me. He says now he was intimidated and scared. Now I'm just not affected, or MUCH MUCH less affected by his actions and words. Its great. I didn't think I would get here.
This whole little spat started when he said You haven't even seen me with my nephews. You'd love it. You haven't seen all of me. Have you ever stopped to think that a serious shot with us might be the thing to fix me?"
this was after the message he wrote about "the extent to which he uses now"
and I said:
"I'm sure you're adorable with kids. And yeah I used to think that. Nothing will be different until..it is. Of course I'd love to get to know you more. SOBER!! and in recovery. Only you can fix you. Its tough..but if you wanted it you could do it."
and then responded with all of that garbage. Its definitely a tantrum. He's tried the other approaches that used to work and now he just just has claws out. Its the weekend, he must really be looking for a reason to drink.
So u guys just don't even say anything? LOL, I used to be like oh I don't want to him think that I'm rejecting him if I don't respond i want to see him...I don't want to loose him..blahblahblah...he's going to think that no matter what I do first of all. Second, he doesn't have discernment with me, why should I? And third, there really is no point in talking sense to a irrational person..no matter how rational he thinks he's being.