So xABF thinks us being more serious and involved would "fix" him. He wrote to me!
Of course, this is ridiculous...and makes no sense. But I do feel good knowing he still loves me. I'm still stickin' to my guns! He's not comin near me until he's in recovery. And even if then, its going to be slowwww. He still has this belief it seems that he's still a good guy. Um yeah, we've covered that..you're great but you need help! LOL geez. I feel so strong to be like "talk to me when you're in recovery! Until then..bye-bye sweetheart. Its so simple. I don't know why I didn't think having that boundary would work for me. So simple. I don't accept dating an addict! I don't care who you are! How much I love you! Its
unacceptable. What he chooses to do with my expectations is his problem/choice. Aha! dance8:
Regardless, its gorgeous outside and I feel really good about acknowledging my part in all of this (cleared things up after he initiated contact a while back) and I feel at peace with whatever happens. Still working on further detachment and I'm in a good place. I don't feel angry and things are clear.
Having the space has really helped.
I really realize how holding on so tightly has just been really a fear of an outcome. In reality, no onw knows what could happen. With anything. So I've created a safe place for me hangin' loose sort of and it feels really good. Must be the sun
