Thread: guilt...guilt...guilt
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Old 03-11-2010, 06:08 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
dothi
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
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Re: guilt.

How about reminding yourself what it is that you deserve?

AH: "I have 'no place to go'. How could you hold my housing over my head, how will my daughter and son feel when they ask why i never lived with them...etc."

mentallyehx: "That's unfortunate your choices resulted in this. However, as the main guardian of our two children, I deserve supportive people in my life, time to take care of myself so I can be a good parent, and peace of mind in my own home. That is the bare minimum I deserve to have. Taking care of you would steal that from me and my kids."

It's not a perfectly scripted analogy, but I hope you get the idea

I have struggled terribly with guilt and the alcoholic in my life. My counsellor always told me to remind myself of what I deserve as a human being (not to be terrorized, guilted, or coerced into taking responsibility for someone else's problems at the risk of my mental, emotional, and physical health). I need to stand up for my own needs when they come under threat; no one else will do it for me. mentallyexh, being the sole provider of a stable environment for your children, you also need to campaign for your health and well-being.

Don't focus on the guilt-inducing parts. AH is throwing a huge list of reasons he's so helpless to drown out all the reasonable, rational thoughts you are having - the thoughts that take the focus off of him. He wants you to focus on him, him, HIM. He is not helping you provide a stable home for your children. He is not providing any part of what you deserve to be a happy, healthy mom.
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