I apologize in advance for the negative tone of this post...I'm venting because it's where I'm at right now and it's a change of pace from me not saying a damn thing.
I just want everything to be better, like right now. I want to be able to sleep. I want the heart pains to go away. I want my fingers to stop twitching. I want to be not warm and not cold. I want to have 2 months instead of 2 days. I want my face and my body to not look and feel like **** anymore. I want a nice relationship. I want my debt gone. I want a better car and a better apartment because I haven't been nice to either. I want someone else besides me to clean up my apartment after the last bender. I want to know if I'm going to be able to get past 3-4 days of sobriety without picking back up or if I'll be drinking again by the end of the weekend.
The funny thing is, I do sit-down meditation which has helped me stay in-the-moment at other times, I just can't shake this whole immediate gratification thing. I know how many years I spent hiding away inside a bottle, struggling for years to piece together some sobriety, and I shouldn't expect everything to be better overnight. But I want it anyways. This stinks.
