alanonicnov2008

I had an aha moment when I read this passage about codependency being somewhat "catchy" from an addiction-soaked environment and I too had to pause in sadness about the realization that yes, it takes on a life of its own. We aren't born with it, it is given to us, and it's impossible to control once it starts.

I could also relate to Jessica's story because what you discover as you read is that her husband is not active when she decides to get help. He's stopped drinking. This is a pattern I repeat over and over again too. I was born into an addictive family but the main addict (my grandfather) had stopped the behaviors before I was even born. And what do I find myself in now? Relationship after relationship with *recovering* addicts -- people who abused substances at one point -- but in almost all cases did not have real recovery and had displaced the addiction to sex and love mostly.

How I manage to pick these people out I will never guess...only that I have love addiction issues myself and so it might be related. But the pain I have had to endure to tolerate an often unspeakable and hidden addiction has been incredible, and my level of delusion remarkable.

I just think about my last relationship -- I had started out with the goals of marriage and family. By the end of it just a few weeks ago I was asking him to just please stop acting out on his love and sex addiction issues. I had gone from having a mission and goal in *my* life to desperately wanting to change the way he was living his. It was no longer living.

I have my moments where I am sad and miss him, but I feel like the cloud is lifting. I see things very differently now, particularly the last decade. I had no idea how sick I was. This book is great for really putting into words exactly what we go through, I didn't have this language before.

Thanks for starting this group! I'm looking forward to the next chapters.