Its been a rough week, rough few weeks, heck rough few years, but really rough week. But something became abundantly clear the last few days that I wanted to share.
As the addiction takes more and more of a hold and if continues it seems like sooner or later they are all the same. 6 years ago, my already addicted person was a sweet and wonderful man, with a problem. We went to court ordered meetings, he went to treatment he went into jail several times.
Weve been pretty much apart since last July except for 6 to 8 weeks in Sept-Oct and 2 weeks recently. 60% of that time was a sweet wonderful giving caring man, each time he picked up again, became worst than ever before and ended with no contact. A few weeks ago I became afraid that he was binging out of money and I would become target of agression, so as my last resort I filed a restraining order for him to be removed from the house, he left before he was served.
The man who appeared yesterday at our injunction hearing was NOT my husband. He arrived from jail as part of a probation violation, so allegedly clean came in a man angrier than Ive seen him on his worst drunken binge. I shook the whole time even with him not in chains. In the 15 minutes in court I saw what seemed like split personalities right there. Once he asked the judge if he could tell me he's sorry for all that had happened, sweet voice. 3 minutes later was the anger saying he had no drinking problem, drank a little when with me only and had only used a little cocaine, he didnt have the $1500 I gave him, because I never gave him it and owe him
.
The person that peered at me as he was escorted from the courtroom was very angry, like someone who wanted to kill.
At the beginning he said he didnt think an injunction was necessary he'd stay away, I almost fell for it and dropped it , as the thought crossed my mind the switch came over him and as he said he could drink when wanted and it was no problem and that I never gave him money we agreed (said with the alter personality look) I knew the disease had taken him over and the restraining order just likely will save my life. There is NO doubt he will use again and show up at my back door.
This is the man whose slept under the bridge by my house watching, the man who when seperated would enter house and Id find standing over me while I was asleep he is not well.
We are looking at security systems this weekend. Windows are extra bolted and doors too, all neighbors have copy of the injunction paperwork. Im still looking at security cameras too