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Old 03-04-2010, 09:58 AM
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sharing

Its been a rough week, rough few weeks, heck rough few years, but really rough week. But something became abundantly clear the last few days that I wanted to share.

As the addiction takes more and more of a hold and if continues it seems like sooner or later they are all the same. 6 years ago, my already addicted person was a sweet and wonderful man, with a problem. We went to court ordered meetings, he went to treatment he went into jail several times.

Weve been pretty much apart since last July except for 6 to 8 weeks in Sept-Oct and 2 weeks recently. 60% of that time was a sweet wonderful giving caring man, each time he picked up again, became worst than ever before and ended with no contact. A few weeks ago I became afraid that he was binging out of money and I would become target of agression, so as my last resort I filed a restraining order for him to be removed from the house, he left before he was served.

The man who appeared yesterday at our injunction hearing was NOT my husband. He arrived from jail as part of a probation violation, so allegedly clean came in a man angrier than Ive seen him on his worst drunken binge. I shook the whole time even with him not in chains. In the 15 minutes in court I saw what seemed like split personalities right there. Once he asked the judge if he could tell me he's sorry for all that had happened, sweet voice. 3 minutes later was the anger saying he had no drinking problem, drank a little when with me only and had only used a little cocaine, he didnt have the $1500 I gave him, because I never gave him it and owe him.

The person that peered at me as he was escorted from the courtroom was very angry, like someone who wanted to kill.

At the beginning he said he didnt think an injunction was necessary he'd stay away, I almost fell for it and dropped it , as the thought crossed my mind the switch came over him and as he said he could drink when wanted and it was no problem and that I never gave him money we agreed (said with the alter personality look) I knew the disease had taken him over and the restraining order just likely will save my life. There is NO doubt he will use again and show up at my back door.
This is the man whose slept under the bridge by my house watching, the man who when seperated would enter house and Id find standing over me while I was asleep he is not well.
We are looking at security systems this weekend. Windows are extra bolted and doors too, all neighbors have copy of the injunction paperwork. Im still looking at security cameras too
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:12 AM
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So, what is his status now? Is he still in jail? Is he due to get out anytime soon?

PLEASE...do everything in your power to keep yourself safe. Restraining Orders are all fine and good, but, when it comes right down to it, they are only pieces of paper. If someone really wants to get to you, they are not going to let a piece of paper stop them. I'm sure you know this. Do you live alone? Is there someone who could stay with you? Most definitely, I would invest in a security system with alarms and cameras.

I know it might sound like overkill, but you can never be too safe. If you've woken up with him standing over your bed, that would scare the pee waddlin' out of me!
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:13 AM
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CINDI, i'm sorry it had to come to this, you've been through so much. my heart goes out to you. your strength is so inspirational to me. not only am i sorry about this, i'm sorry to hear about your father. you, the boys and the rest of your family are constinantly in my prayers. here's a hug,(((cindi)))
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:30 AM
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I too have seen the different sides of the same person as the disease progresses. Those sweet, good-hearted people get buried somewhere way deep down inside and what emerges is often frightening. Not to mention we're so busy working and keeping things together and taking care of kids that to even imagine having the time to plot and stalk and all those other things is really foreign - until you experience it.

A friend told me a few years ago - Desperate people do desperate things. Keep that in mind as you move forward with the things you have to do to keep you and the boys safe.

You'll make it lady! You're strong, smart, talented and resourceful. Hugs!
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:17 AM
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A friend told me a few years ago - Desperate people do desperate things. Keep that in mind as you move forward with the things you have to do to keep you and the boys safe.
Thanks Ill remember that.

He gets out next week, actually has a planned supervised visit with his son throuh his mom and judge for Saturday March 13. My sister has moved in with me.

Sometimes I think he'd never do that, but truthfully, Im not sure he's even aware of what he's capable of when in an altered state and anger has alway fueled his drinking binges.

It just occurred to me, he would likely stalk me first. Im going to go talk to the local PD since Im next to public park tennis courts ect, where he could hide and watch, maybe they'll keep an eye out .
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:41 PM
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Cindi, Cindi, Cindi..... You have been through it all. Thank God you are taking the steps to protect yourself and your boys.

When I think back to before my divorce, I wonder how I ever lived through all those years of drama.... You were there for me so many times, sometimes cheer leading, sometimes just listening, but always understanding my pain, my anger, my frustration, and my terror. There really can be a calm and peaceful life after the addict is gone. Try to keep that vision in mind.

The fact that you lost your Dad in the midst of all this is thought provoking. There are lessons in there somewhere..... Perhaps the awareness of how very precious each moment of joy is, and that your addict has already stolen WAY too many of them from you and your children. Perhaps just the contrast between someone who has life taken from him, and someone who willingly throws his away.

Be vigilant and strong, Cindi, we have your back.

Now climb up here and rock with me. Feel the love and the concern of all your SR friends. Feel our arms around you. Feel the energy you shared with us when we needed it come back to you ten times over.

Babs
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:17 PM
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((cindi))

you know I'm praying for you and so PROUD for you taking care of YOURSELF & your boys thru this difficult time - You are a wise and courageous woman!

I am grateful to have you as a friend!

Please keep using your wonderful recovery tools to trudge this path - you have come so far!!

HUGS,
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:14 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's passing and for the loss you must be feeling. Those words seem hollow as I recall how I felt when my father died I was a young mom with kids....like you are now.

Despite the insanity of this disease, it's so good to know that you are taking such good care of yourself and the boys.

I'm sending hugs to comfort & prayers for continued wisdom & strength in the days ahead.

******{Cinderella}}}}
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:59 PM
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Please keep yourself safe, having the protection order will help but if he's as crazy as he sounds, it won't stop him from trying.

And I am so sorry about your dad's passing. May his memory warm your heart and comfort you through all this.

Hugs
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Old 03-04-2010, 07:22 PM
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(((Cindi))) - I'm so proud of all that you have done to protect you and the boys. That you had to do this, and deal with your dad dying is tragic, but you, my dear, are one strong young lady.

I have to comment on how the A does things they don't think about. Brit's dad (my niece - her dad is an A) broke into a police dept. where he was on a work release program...he stole drugs/money/guns. When he turned himself in, he was so high that he confessed to things he doesn't even remember! To this day, he denies he ever said this stuff...he's on tape!

I never got that far into my addiction, but I know many that did and I have no doubt D would go there. Please use all resources available to protect you and the boys...alarms, police, neighbors...whatever it takes. If he starts to sweet-talk you, if you start to falter, recall "that look" - the one that makes your veins run cold...the one that scares you. You never know when he's going to flip that switch.

We love you, sweetie, and we want you to be safe.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:39 AM
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(((HUGS))) Cindi. I know how hard going through this is. You have the strength to get through this. Don't give in or give up. Even though I didn't want to remember the "bad",
things would just pop into my head... but it was a blessing because it gave me strength to not give in and repeat the cycle... again.


I'm so sorry about your fathers passing. Praying for you and your family.
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:03 AM
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I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I will be thinking about you today.

Would it be possible to get a dog? One that would definitely bark if a stranger came near the house? Doesn't need to be a great big dog, just one that sounds big . Not to mention that it is so nice to have a great big hairy someone (who isn't a nasty drunk) greet you at the door when you come home.
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:15 AM
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Dirt magnet, we have 2 dogs, 1 is big. unfortunately she knows him very well, and unfortunately at this time I cannot afford another, I had thought about adopting a friends rottweiler, but I just cant afford the extra dog food and such.

Ive been told as well it is possible to put a noisy alarm on the back gate so you know if opened. Im looking into that as well. The scary part is if anything is gonna happen it will NOT be right away.
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