Hi! I'm TheNewGirl.
I moved a lot as a kid, so I said this a lot. It was easier for them to remember I was "The New Girl" than to remember what my name is.
It's not an uncommon name.
And it was easier for me to build my walls with "The New Girl" than to actually use my name.
Cause I'd learned early on that PEOPLE HURT YOU. And I thought that the way to avoid that pain was to not let them get close to begin with. But I realized that that idea just leads to loneliness, not safety, so I went to the other extreme: I let EVERYONE in. Especially those that DID harm me. Because negative attention was better than no attention. I NEEDED that attention.
Eventually, tired again of getting hurt, I tried protecting myself once more. This time, not by being selective of the people around me, but by trying to control the people around me.
What is it with me and choosing guys who have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol? I am Co-dependent. Healthy & well-adjusted people would not put up with or accept my crazy, controlling behavior. "Like attracts like."
"Codependents have as much difficulty accepting their powerlessness over people and events as alcoholics / addicts have regarding their powerlessness over their drug of choice. (Many treatment modalities approach codependency as an addiction to control and / or caretaking.)"
Tired AGAIN of getting hurt... I stumbled upon SR. The post that CHANGED MY LIFE (for the better! yay!) was the list of traits of Co-Dependents, borrowed from Chapter 4 of CNM. I immediately ordered the book (and Beyond Codependency, And Getting Better All The Time) on Amazon.
I'm grateful to be here.