married an infrequent binger when i was 28. no doubts, meant to be, eyes wide open. did i mention binger? yeah, didn't know that til after the wedding, although there were signs. he bottomed and went to rehab five years into the marriage, came out a new man, i realized that my good feelings were wrapped up in his success when he fell off the wagon a year later. got rid of him, became a lover to my best friend of many years (tell me that's an appropriate friend; someone you are attracted to) about five months after the divorce. oh, yeah, almost forgot; he's a heroin addict, currently in recovery.
when i first started to use the term "codependent" for myself, i thought it made perfect sense.
he is the alcoholic; therefore
i am the
co-alcoholic, or the
co-to-the-one-
dependent on alcohol.
i read the book when someone gave it as a gift (knew i wanted it) and i don't know, but those words:
hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, guilt producing, difficult to communicate with
what?!
them's fightin words, melody.
no no no, take it back, i'm like almost perfect. not me, NOT
THAT! nope.
well, maybe.
when xah got out of rehab, i thought "goody he's all better; now we can live a healthier life, have a better relationship, etc" but when things started falling apart, i knew that he just had to go to aa. i knew he was supposed to go to meetings, but he never wanted to. so if i nagged him to go, well, maybe he would, and then
voila he would get better again and if
he was better,
we were better. i went to al-anon to support HIM. funny, same reason i came to s/r - to learn about heroin addiction. huh.
funny, alizerin, you wanted melody to be perfect. i love that she's not! i LOVE her stories cuz it makes her like me! and remember, i'm only
almost perfect.
