((Sis)) one more thing I wanted to add, as an RA myself is that when we are actively using, it's not like we are sitting around asking ourselves "gee, do I want my family or do I want to get high?" It's not that simple. We can't think of anything BUT getting high. We aren't intentionally getting high to hurt you.
I'm not saying this to defend him....absolutely not! I found the desire for recovery stronger than the desire to get high when I hit bottom because I got fed up with all the consequences of my using. Everyone's bottom is different. I had to hit bottom with my XABF, too...in order for me to leave a toxic relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I keep saying "put the focus on you" it's because you are the one person you can control, can understand. Trying to understand an A is futile. I'm an RA and, to this day, have a hard time believing the stupid things I did...though I know I did them.
Trust your gut and watch his actions. Those 2 things will often tell you everything you need to know.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy