Great post, I'm so glad SR is here!
Briefly...
I grew up in what I truly considered a 'normal' household. My parents do not drink. They are still married, 43 yrs! I never grew up with any drug or alcohol abuse in my family. No one drank, no one did drugs. I was never exposed to any of the horrors of addiction as a kid, or young adult.
I drank when I was younger, but nothing I ever considered a problem. I got drunk, but never felt the need that I had to have booze. As I got older, the need subsided, and today I don't drink at all.
My first relationship with an alcoholic started when I was 30. I met my b/f at a bar, and he swept me off my feet. He was so attentive, funny, passionate. Translation? Obsessive, controllling, abusive. I became a statistic. He abused me, he beat me up, he stole my self esteem. He left me, which was such a blessing in disguise. I didn't date anyone for almost 10yrs, he had completely convinced me I was unloveable and no one would want me. Not the way he did. I swore I would NEVER get involved with another alcoholic.
Fast forward, 2005. Met a really great guy, we were friends. I knew he drank, and it was a big joke amongst our friends. He started to show some interest in me in 2007. We started dating. The red flag was on the first date. He invited me to his place. It was a mess. And he was hammered when I got there at 3pm. HELLOOOOOOOOO RED FLAG! We've been here before. BUT..the rescuer in me was convinced this was a one time thing. He was nervous, he was excited to see me, numbing himself with booze.
Well, he turned out to be a full blown alcoholic. He wasn't physically abusive like the first one, but could turn on me verbally in a heartbeat. I put up with his tantrums, his drinking, his verbal tirades. All because I saw 'the good in him'. Until the day I left, I was convinced this was the man for me.
The first page of this book almost made me mad! ME? I'm the controlling one? I was the ONLY one taking care of business in our household when HE was drunk on the couch! If I didn't do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, he certainly wasn't going to ? HOW does that make me controlling and manipulative! I was only taking care of what he couldn't.
Then...I read further. I AM controlling. I am manipulative. OMG..ME! I am the problem here. He has his own set of issues, but I am only into the first chapter, and I see myself so clearly.
This book is going to be hard to read. I am a rescuer. I am the one that needs to show the world I am in control, and all is right in my world, even when it is crumbling at my feet. I have to take responsibility for my part in the demise of my relationship. Could it be, this is not all HIS fault? I am not defending him...but I sure played a role I never thought about.
Eye opening...