Originally Posted by
Kirsty 
So my XAB dumped me on boxing day, it wasn't a long-term relationship but I had liked him a long while before we got it together. He's been sober for over a year but still does plenty other things to 'act out'. Anyways, we've tried remaining friends and staying in touch but twice ive tried to win him back...ugh why do I do this to myself?!!
When he dumped me I had never felt pain or rejection like it (well it seemed like I hadn't, but I guess I had when my dad left when I was 6, and there in lies a big clue to my dysfunction), so in short HE was the problem so why oh why do I want to put myself in the firing line to be hurt all over again..?
There is still even a tiny part of me that hopes we will get back together which is insame because if you asked me if I was in love or could ever see myself marrying this guy I would say hell no! I guess im just trying to heal the pain and hurt the break-up caused but going the wrong way about it.
What im really scared about is that I will like/latch onto another guy, who will be again emotionally unavailable, but it's my drug of choice..
Reading other posts in this part of the forum has been great to know im not alone and has given me alot of insight and strength so thankyou
Sounds like you handed him all your power some time ago and are desperate to get it back. He feeds you little bits of the love you gave him, but that is not really love emanating from him, that is the remnants of your own love and energy that you originally gave to him. By feeding you only little bits at a time, he keeps you hooked (by remaining 'friends'), and coming back looking for your own essence, which you gave away in the first place.
I would start working on yourself and rebuilding you esteem and claiming back your power. The only way to do that is to kick this guy to the curb - if you think that he loves you, you are wrong.
Remember, people like this are parasitic - they feed off of other people's energy and love. They constantly cause ugly situations to which the loved ones need to bail them out, and in some sick and twisted way they feed off the energy and concern of others. I don't understand it at all myself, but that is what they do.