Thank you for all of your feedback, it means a lot to me.
I think that he has over time made me feel the way he has wanted me to feel, and thats exactly how he sees his problem. I go back and forth because I know right from wrong but Im not an addict, I know its wrong to snort heroin, I know its wrong to lie to your partner on a daily basis, I know its wrong to feel OK about sniffing oxys instead of shooting up, but because I am not an addict I have looked to him like, well, if you say its ok, and I love you and came into this trusting you not seeing this result at all, then I guess like you say Nick, its not that bad, its better than shooting up. And ya you lied to me daily for months and months, but youre right it was only about drugs, not anything else. I really went back and forth with that because its just the two of us, I havent been able to go to anyone else who has an open mind to say, Um, no thats wrong and its not ok. And now I am kind of left feeling like, ok I am happy you decided to go, but now that hes gone in detox and I am alone, I obviously have much time tbo think, and I think well you finally went because a week ago I pretty much demanded it, but my thoughts and feelings and days we have had long talks get lost in all of this chaos I forget what I have said or even felt. In looking back on this, yes, I have made many many excuses, because of his brothers addictions and how bad they were and how he wasnt close to that, but at the end of the day they are addicts, no one is better or worse, and the excuses he gives to me I have justified also because I just really have not wanted to believe this. There have been worse times/days/events we have dealt with that I havent posted, and I guess because theyve been bad I just have closed my eyes to everything even though in my heart and my mind I know what hes doing is wrong and I know he has a serious problem, he has for many years now. I am very happy he went today, the plan is, hes going for 7 days then coming home (to keep his job) and he is doing an out-patient program. He does have a lot of support this time around, so I am still hopeful. He knows he cant drink, ever again because it causes him to relapse, he cannot use steroids, and he is an addict, he will raise his hand and identify himself as one but I hope and I am praying that this time he doesnt see it as humiliation, he sees it as growth and a new start. Thanks again everyone for your help, day 1 down!